I have just celebrated my 17th birthday. Well, actually I am still celebrating as I have another major party with my family next week. Birthdays are the most important events in the year for Satanists, because we like to celebrate ourselves, our independence and the people we have chosen to be. Some people don’t think much about that, some people are content to go with the flow and just be whatever other people expect them to be. We are different. We invent ourselves.
Even so, one of my birthday presents was a book in which all my friends and family each wrote a page to say who they thought I was. I was quite touched and it made interesting reading, so I am going to quote a few extracts… (I will keep some of the names to myself).
The first are from family so they are a bit cringy… But I like them anyway!
“In some ways Tina will always be my little girl, but she is a woman now and it has been a pleasure to get to know the person she has chosen to be. We have many beliefs in common and I grow to love and respect her as a friend and an equal more and more each day. She makes me very proud.” Sophie (My mother).
“Tina is my daughter, my sister and my friend. She is amazingly grounded and mature for her years and she is kind in very practical ways. I’m sure she’ll break many hearts because it will be hard for anybody not to fall in love with her.” Cassie (My other Mum)!
“Tina is an amazing young woman who is intelligent and kind. She can be a little crazy too! She loves animals, especially the ones that other people don’t like. She has a similar attitude to people. For seventeen years she has made me proud every day and I’m sure she will continue to do so.” My Father.
Then a few from friends…
“Tina is like one of the bad girls. She smokes and swears a lot but the teachers like her because she is clever.”
“Tina gives good advice and stands by her friends. A few years ago she was a cute and shy little girl and now she is more adult than most of the teachers.”
“Tina is a bit crazy. She smokes all the time she is not in class. She would kill to get an ice cream. She has a pet spider. She has strange beliefs. She is not like anyone else I know.”
“Tina likes animals of all sorts, including spiders. She is very good at science and biology and she wants to be a vet I think. She is ambitious and she works hard. She seems wise. She has lots of energy and never seems to get tiered.”
And finally from my boyfriend (He is also a Satanist but this was written in an open book so he didn’t write anything that would get me into too much trouble).”Tina has many friends but still keeps many things secret. Everybody knows she is kind, but she can be harsh if she wants to be. She is not in any way innocent but can still be a child sometimes. She is funny. She is sexy. She is very intelligent and knows what she wants. She likes to experiment in all ways.”
But as well as a time for celebration, Birthdays are a time to take stock of where you are, think about the direction you are heading, and decide what you want to do next. There are many aspects of my life to organise but here in this blog I will speak mainly about my path in Satanism, which in fact dictates almost everything else.
I have come to many decisions. The first is that I am a Satanist through and through and this is something I want to embrace even more fully at this time of my life. For that reason I am going to join a Coven. This would not be the correct path for everybody but I feel it is the best for me. Many people may have assumed that I would join the coven run by my mother, but we always knew there would be many problems with that. Therefore I have decided to join the coven my boyfriend attends. I have already attended several of their meetings and they have agreed to take me on as an acolyte. My training has already begun. This caused some discussion and controversy in our home because my new coven is older, more traditional and perhaps in some ways darker than the one run by Sophie and Cassie. However, for many reasons I feel it is right for me and I believe that my mothers’ support my decision.
I have also decided to use this blog to chart my progress along the path I have chosen and reflect on the lessons I learn along the way. However, whereas Sophie and Cassie often try to explain things in terms that non Satanists can understand, that is their choice and their mission but not mine. I don’t really expect many non Satanists to read this. I am writing only for myself. Other Satanists or anyone who is curious are welcome to read what I put here on a public blog, but I am not going to explain, excuse or justify anything.
An area where I am in slight disagreement with Sophie and Cassie is with the use of the word evil. In my opinion they worry a bit too much about the way other people interpret that word. I think they are overthinking. If Satan or the Devil are evil I don’t have a problem with defining myself in the same way. I am fairly intelligent and I have decided of my own free will to follow the left hand path which Theistic Satanism is. If that is evil, so am I. I have my own private rules and morals which are in line with Satanic thinking. The only person I have to be true to is myself.
If I was writing in the book about who people think I am, I would say this;
Tina is intelligent, hard working and ambitious. She speaks several languages and intends to work with animals as a vet or zoologist. She can be kind and helpful when it suits her but she can be cruel and nasty too. She can be a child but she is not innocent. She is a committed Theistic Satanist who respects and is guided by an entity known as Satan or The Devil. She describes her true nature as Satanic or evil.
Actually it is a relief to say these things and make this declaration to myself, it makes me feel more free and honest to myself. I will no longer be the person that other people expect or want me to be, not in any way. I think humans invent complicated moral values which restrict their true nature. I am amoral in the way of an animal. I will not be unnecessarily cruel or unkind, but I will do whatever it takes to survive, to prosper and to be happy.